ESPN reports that Yankees slugger Jason Giambi — the tainted name you can trust — is set to talk. Finally. Will he use words other than “stuff” to refer to steroids and enhancers? Will he cry those “chick flick” tears as Mitchell brings in surprise guest interrogator Dr. Phil? Only Mitchell and the MLB elite will know for sure, and once they set-up the pow-wow, probably at a Dude Ranch somewhere, they can kick up their feet, relax and commence the bean-spillin’ and tear jerking.

Here are a few ideas of what Giambi is likely to tell George Mitchell, the man tagged as the czar of steroids probing.

1. The definition of “stuff” is…
This will be the number one question to come out of Mitchell’s probe. What enhancer did Giambi use? Was it mixed with another substance? Was there some sort of steroid pie or burger he used to consume it? Ingredient is key.

2. Who supplied your “stuff”?
Key to most investigations is the sniff-out for the kingpin of distribution. This comes by way of one rat snitching out another, then that rat snitching out another, until finally the top is met. Distributor is found and supplier is the next target. (References: Season 2 of The Wire, CNU Biz courses)

3. Who else took “stuff” alongside you?
The “long arm” of this particular investigation is about an inch long right now. If Mitchell can get Giambi to name a few big names — a certain one out west is the only one to make them shut down shop — the MLB’s plight receives instant credibility. Giambi will, after all, be shunned from many clubhouses and his respect level will sink lower than ever but on the plus side… well, ok there’s no plus side. Wait, I’ve got it! Consider his treatment a cakewalk compared to the reaction if his name were, say, Barry Lamar Bonds. Cound your blessings, snitch!

4. What is the future for “stuff” and all its evilness?
Vitamin water beware, lookout for “Stuff” water coming to stores near you! Scientists and marketing folks are already on the prowl looking for people to endorse their “healthy” beverage of choice. Work-out harder, feel more entergized, but as those who use it say: it doesn’t help your baseball swing! Here’s a question: If bringing look-alike drugs to school gets kids in trouble, how deep in “stuff” is a kid who brings a bottle of “stuff” water? Hmm…