Alright sports fans, here is the anointed moment where I will extend predictions for the remainder of the season and embarrass myself in the process. What follows is not intended for children under the age of 36, and I highly recommend wearing protection while reading is in progress.

In the NL, I have predicted the Mets, Cubs, and D-Backs to win their respective divisions. With further foresight, I will select the Milwaukee Brewers to win the NL Wild Card, and meet the top-ranked Cubs in the first round of the playoffs. The 2-seed Mets will meet the 3-seed Diamondbacks, and the Diamondbacks will emerge victorious behind the 1-2 punch of Webb and Haren. The Brewers and Cubs will go the full 5 games, and Milwaukee will topple Chicago; thereby, ensuring that utopia isn’t realized on the north side of Chicago for at least another year. In the NLCS, the Brewers offense will prove too strong for the offensively challenged D-Backs, and they will earn a trip to the 2008 World Series.

In the AL, I have divined that the Red Sox, White Sox, and Angels will all win their divisions. My crystal ball has told me that there is a great sale going on at Kohl’s this weekend, and that the Minnesota Twins will win the AL Wild Card. The Twins will get the unenviable honor of meeting the 1-seed Angles in the first round of the playoffs, where their season will come to a close. The 2-seed Red Sox and 3-seed White Sox will also meet, and Chicago will outlast Boston in 5 games. Anaheim and Chicago will go the full 7 games, but the White Sox will earn the right to represent the AL in the World Series.

The Brewers and White Sox will make for abysmal television ratings, but the series will go 6 games with Milwaukee laying claim to the title. The clouds over Wisconsin will disperse and head straight for Illinois, beer will run through the streets (as will I), and C.C. Sabathia will wind up on the cover of Time magazine. Now, it is said that with great power comes great responsibility; hence, I feel it is my duty to tell anyone planning to place monetary bets based upon the information that I’ve given that I will undoubtedly be proven wrong. There, I’ve covered myself; and, that, as they say, is that.