Alright sports fans, here is the anointed moment where I will extend predictions for the remainder of the season and embarrass myself in the process. What follows is not intended for children under the age of 36, and I highly recommend wearing protection while reading is in progress.

In the NL, I have predicted the Mets, Cubs, and D-Backs to win their respective divisions. With further foresight, I will select the Milwaukee Brewers to win the NL Wild Card, and meet the top-ranked Cubs in the first round of the playoffs. The 2-seed Mets will meet the 3-seed Diamondbacks, and the Diamondbacks will emerge victorious behind the 1-2 punch of Webb and Haren. The Brewers and Cubs will go the full 5 games, and Milwaukee will topple Chicago; thereby, ensuring that utopia isn’t realized on the north side of Chicago for at least another year. In the NLCS, the Brewers offense will prove too strong for the offensively challenged D-Backs, and they will earn a trip to the 2008 World Series.

In the AL, I have divined that the Red Sox, White Sox, and Angels will all win their divisions. My crystal ball has told me that there is a great sale going on at Kohl’s this weekend, and that the Minnesota Twins will win the AL Wild Card. The Twins will get the unenviable honor of meeting the 1-seed Angles in the first round of the playoffs, where their season will come to a close. The 2-seed Red Sox and 3-seed White Sox will also meet, and Chicago will outlast Boston in 5 games. Anaheim and Chicago will go the full 7 games, but the White Sox will earn the right to represent the AL in the World Series.

The Brewers and White Sox will make for abysmal television ratings, but the series will go 6 games with Milwaukee laying claim to the title. The clouds over Wisconsin will disperse and head straight for Illinois, beer will run through the streets (as will I), and C.C. Sabathia will wind up on the cover of Time magazine. Now, it is said that with great power comes great responsibility; hence, I feel it is my duty to tell anyone planning to place monetary bets based upon the information that I’ve given that I will undoubtedly be proven wrong. There, I’ve covered myself; and, that, as they say, is that.

The 6-team royal rumble that is the NL Central has turned out to be one of baseball’s strongest and most competitive divisions. Chicago stands at an impressive 16 games over .500, however, their margin of error remains small as Milwaukee and surprise St. Louis are 1 and 2 games back, respectively. Cincinnati, despite being only 4 games under .500, find themselves a whopping 10 games off the division lead. If they played in the NL West, they’d be tied for 2nd place and a mere 1 game back. Houston and lowly Pittsburgh are tied for cellar honors at 12 games back.

The Cubs haven’t won a World Series in 100 years, and I’m sure the Wrigley bandwagon is a bit crowded these days due to the rampant circulation of that fact; nonetheless, their lineup is loaded with talent. Derrek Lee (64, 15, 59, .298), who appears fully recovered from a wrist injury that he sustained in 06’ and sapped his power numbers in 07’, and third baseman, Aramis Ramirez (59, 17, 66, .269), continue to anchor the order. Asian sensation and residential hatamoto, Kosuke Fukudome (61, 7, 36, .279), has provided the steady left handed bat the Cubs have lacked in recent years. Rookie receiver, Geovany Soto (38, 16, 56, .275), has been a pleasant surprise and boon to the offense. Even Padre wash out, Jimmy Edmonds (26, 11, 37, .237), has been spotted parking balls on the opposite side of the ivy around game time. Alfonso Soriano (36, 15, 40, .283), the world’s worst lead off hitter, has had an injury riddled campaign, as he’s already spent 2 stints on the DL (strained calf, broken finger). Despite that fact, he’s managed to post solid numbers when playing, and his imminent return should serve to bolster an already potent lineup.

Chicago has been the recipient of some solid pitching, thus far. Ace and clubhouse boxing champ, Carlos Zambrano (2.98 ERA, 1.26 WHIP, 81/44 K/BB, 10-4), has spent much of the year pitching like a #2; however, he is without doubt the best hitting pitcher in the league, and could reasonably bat 6th or 7th on a nightly basis (20-57; .351 Avg). Ryan Dempster (3.05 ERA, 1.16 WHIP, 111/51 K/BB, 11-4) has made a successful transition to the rotation from the closing role that he’s held for the past 3 seasons, and Ted Lilly (4.49 ERA, 1.33 WHIP, 114/43 K/BB, 9-6) has provided quality pitching, as well. In the bullpen, Bobby Howry continues to carry BP over into the game as he’s given up almost as many earned runs (25) as K’d batsmen (35). During the first quarter of the season, Carlos Marmol (4.05 ERA, 1.01 WHIP, 70/25 K/BB) was so good that the defense actually started holding a poker game behind the 2nd base bag when he was on the mound, but has struggled with control issues of late. We have already seen Kerry Wood (3.02 ERA, 1.01 WHIP, 55/13 K/BB, 24 saves) evolve from the next Roger Clemens into the next Chicagoan Wal-Mart attendant, and this season has seen him further evolve into the next John Smoltz (well, sort of).

There is hope in Milwaukee, these days, and not simply because there are beer breweries on every corner. The Brewers’ offense is led by their version of Big and Rob, Prince Fielder (54, 20, 58, .275) and Ryan Braun (56, 25, 72, .294); who, I might add, are probably funnier than the real Big and Rob in their sleep. Corey Hart (52, 16, 59, .284) continues to develop into a formidable player, and J.J. Hardy (47, 14, 45, .296) seems to finally have figured out how to hit a pitch that isn’t an inside fastball. Mike Cameron hasn’t let his 30-game suspension affect his play, as his current .229 average remains in line with his career numbers.

The Brewers pitching is truly a mixed bag, as they commingle studs and stiffs as seamlessly as a political dinner party. Ben Sheets (2.88 ERA, 1.15 WHIP, 111/29 K/BB, 10-3) has managed to remain healthy, much to the detriment of opposing hitters. C.C. Sabathia (1.36 ERA, 31/8 K/BB, 4-0, 3 CGs), last season’s AL Cy Young winner and prized mid-season acquisition, has been on an absolute tear since joining the Brewers. Converted reliever, Manny Parra (3.68 ERA, 1.47 WHIP, 87/52 K/BB, 9-2), has also provided some stability in the rotation. All has not been sunny, however, as Jeff Suppan (4.65 ERA, 1.59 WHIP, 56 ER, 58 Ks) continues to get shelled at a rate that has forced the Milwaukee brass to replace or repair home plate several times this season. Uber-prospect and ace-to-be, Yovani Gallardo, had his brief 08’ campaign ended by a torn ACL. Eric Gagne, who was without question the game’s most dominant closer between 02’-04’, has been so bad that his stat line will not be included in this article. Luckily for the Brew-Crew, ex-Pirate, Salomon Torres (2.68 ERA, 1.25 WHIP, 34/20 K/BB), was waiting in the wings, and has converted 18 of 22 chances since taking over the closer’s role.
If there’s one thing that the Cardinals’ first half performance has taught us, is that the wizard behind the curtain is actually two, and their names are Tony LaRussa and Dave Duncan. At the outset of the season, St. Louis was a curious mix of washed up veterans, unproven youth, and a few of the player’s wives and girlfriends; however, that same sundry bunch is currently in the thick of the playoff hunt. The offense, per usual, revolves around the best hitter in baseball and lineup anchor, Albert Pujols (55, 18, 56, .349). Converted pitcher, Rick Ankiel (56, 22, 58, .276), and itinerate outfielder, Ryan Ludwick (65, 23, 69, .290), continue to make a living off of teams thinking better of pitching to them and not Pujols. The offseason saw the bellicose and oft-injured Scott Rolen get shipped off to Toronto in exchange for equally brittle, Troy Glaus (49, 18, 66, .278). Glaus, however, has remained healthy and is once again producing the kind of power numbers that made him an all-star in the past.

The real sleight-of-hand in St.Louis can be seen in the deft handling of the pitching staff by skippers, LaRussa and Duncan. Incumbent ace, Chris Carpenter, has yet to throw a pitch in 08’, and his rehab from Tommy John surgery has him on track to return in early to mid-August. Mark Mulder has managed just 1 start this season due to recurring rotator cuff and shoulder issues. Former closer and default ace, Adam Wainwright (3.14, 1.09, 62/20 K/BB, 6-3), continued to develop into a promising starter until a torn finger tendon sidelined him in early June. Even bullpen stalwart, Jason Isringhausen (6.17 ERA, 1.63 WHIP, 27/17 K/BB), has made 2 trips to the DL (abdominal strain/hand laceration), in addition to being generally ineffective when healthy.

Amidst the ever growing casualty list, Tony LaRussa, who in the grand tradition of Nugget O’Cass (who doesn’t need a gun because he’s got a Donk), doesn’t need healthy pitchers (or even good ones) because he’s got a Duncan (see Dundee, Crocodile for reference). Career stiff and rumored Safeway bag-boy-to-be, Kyle Lohse (3.35 ERA, 1.23 WHIP, 70/31 K/BB, 12-2), has turned his career around in a big way. This is the same Kyle Lohse who has never finished a season with an ERA under 4.00, and has posted 2 winning records in 7 major league seasons. The guy has pitched like a true ace, and I will venture to say that if he keeps pitching at this rate he will be under serious consideration for the NL Cy Young at season’s end. Converted relievers, Todd Wellemeyer (4.19 ERA, 1.30 WHIP, 79/39 K/BB, 8-4) and Braden Looper (4.49 ERA, 1.42 WHIP, 9-8), have also performed above expectations. Former batting practice hurler, Ryan Franklin (3.94 ERA, 1.54 WHIP, 14 saves), has successfully converted 14 of 19 chances since stepping into the closer’s role.

The Cincinnati offense, in concert with the 200 foot fence at The Great American Ballpark, is built to hit it far and trot slowly, afterwards. They currently rank 4th in the NL in homers (119), due in no small part to the launching pad that is Adam Dunn (55, 29, 66, .237). 2nd baseman, Brandon Phillips (58, 16, 62, .275, 21 SBs), should finish the season as a member of the 30-30 club, again. Junior Griffey (48, 13, 49, .243) continues to be an offensive force despite his advancing age, and Jerry Hairston (34, 2, 22, .351, 15 SBs), has excelled at the top of the order, as well as being a vast improvement over automatic out, Corey Patterson (736/161 K/BB for career dating back to 2000).

The Reds’ rotation has experienced its share of ups and downs this year. Edison Volquez (2.49 ERA, 1.28 WHIP, 129/59 K/BB, 12-3), who came to Cincinnati in exchange for sending Josh Hamilton to Texas, has been nothing short of lights out, thus far. Fellow young gun, Johnny Cueto (4.90 ERA, 1.36 WHIP, 113/46 K/BB, 7-9), burst onto the scene in April with a 7 inning, 10 K performance that sent fantasy owners everywhere scurrying to their computers. His subsequent rookie struggles have arrived in turn, however, adding more credence to this writer’s humble opinion that one should never listen to an ESPN analyst not named Gammons, Olney, or Miller when baseball is the topic of discussion. Fallen ace, Aaron Harang (4.76 ERA, 1.40 WHIP, 108/34 K/BB, 3-11), has been on the wrong side of terrible for most of the season despite a healthy K/BB ratio. In the bullpen, Jeremy Affeldt (3.75 ERA, 1.43 WHIP, 53/20 K/BB) and Mike Lincoln (3.54 ERA, 1.06 WHIP, 45/13 K/BB), have spent much of their season hanging out in mediocre-ville. Francisco Cordero (3.50 ERA, 1.47 WHIP, 49/29 K/BB, 21 saves), who signed a 4-year $46 million contract in the offseason, has converted 21 of 27 save chances, while adding more weight to that old fantasy adage, ‘never pay a lot for saves.’

Truth be told, the Pittsburgh Pirates are one of a handful of franchises in baseball that should not exist because they do not turn a profit (and should probably be thankful for the concept of revenue sharing for what money they do make). Due to that fact, what talent they do develop will invariably walk out the door, leaving the Pirates to return to their fruitless Sisyphusian task of being a baseball academy rather than an actual franchise. With that rant aside, the 08’ Pirates, who are currently tied for 5th in the NL in team average (.264), have some players that can swing the sticks. Leadoff man, Nate McLouth (76, 21, 70, .277, 11 SBs), hasn’t let his lack of free passes (only 39 BBs in 404 Abs) get in the way of producing big numbers. Jason Bay (69, 22, 61, .289), one of 06’s more glaring disappointments, has rediscovered his love of yard work and continues to rake at a pace that would eclipse his career marks in R, HR, and RBI. Fellow OF, Xavier Nady (50, 13, 57, .330), has outperformed expectations and continues to be a pleasant surprise in the heart of the Pirate order.

The Pirates’ rotation has been some kind of awful this year. Of the 10 pitchers that have been sent to the bump to start, only 2 have an ERA under 4.00 (Maholm, Taubenheim). The bullpen has been mired under the same mediocre cloud as the starting staff. Franquelis Osoria owns a healthy K/BB ratio (30/11), but also has an ERA of 6.12. Tyler Yates has posted a passable 4.13 ERA, but puts almost as many hitters on as he strikes out (37/34 K/BB). Former closer, Matt Capps (3.12 ERA, 1.07 WHIP, 29/5 K/BB, 17 saves), pitched well before being sidelined with bursitis in his shoulder. Damaso Marte (3.47 ERA, 1.16 WHIP, 47/16 K/BB) has since taken over the role and converted 5 of 7 save opportunities.

The Astros, despite a nearly $90 million payroll, find themselves in a dogfight for the NL Central cellar. Lance Berkman (82, 22, 75, .341, 15 SBs) continues to have one for the books, and ‘El Caballo’ (which is apparently some kind of wild Spanish horse), Carlos Lee (49, 22, 80, .306), continues to assault the fans beyond the outfield walls with baseballs, as well. Shortstop, Miguel Tejada (61, 10, 45, .272), and stud prospect, Hunter Pence (43, 12, 50, .264), have not played to the expectations of the Houston faithful. Centerfielder, Michael Bourn (33 SBs, .285 OBP, .227 Avg.), continues to struggle due to the rule prohibiting batters from stealing first base.

Houston’s starting rotation, which has historically been one of the team’s strong points, has been a lesson in futility this season. Only 2 starters can lay claim to a winning record (Brian Moehler and Chris Sampson), and both pitchers have given up almost as many earned runs as strikeouts (47/42, 41/42, K/ER). Ace and perennial all-star, Roy Oswalt (4.56 ERA, 1.38 WHIP, 94/28 K/BB, 7-8), has struggled with injuries for much of the year, while pitching accordingly. The bullpen has been a mixed bag, with guys like Geoff Geary (2.45 ERA, 1.18 WHIP, 37/20 K/BB) and Oscar Villareal (5.02 ERA, 1.57 WHIP, 21/17 K/BB) issuing far too many free passes to be very effective. The bleakness of night comes not without its stars, however, as set up man, Doug Brocail (3.61 ERA, 1.16 WHIP, 41/13 K/BB), and closer, Jose Valverde (4.75 ERA, 1.39 WHIP, 55/17 K/BB, 26 saves), have pitched well from the back end of the pen.

Alright, get out your pen and pad, it’s prediction time. After much consideration and debate, I will anoint the Chicago Cubs as my NL Central winners. The Brewers’ offense matches up nicely with the Cubs’ (and may even be better), but I think Chicago’s starting pitching is better prepared to endure the dog days of August and September. After Sheets and Sabathia, Milwaukee’s quality of pitching drops off sharply, and while that 2-punch combination might prove lethal in a 5-game playoff series, they’re gonna need to be deeper than that to overtake the Cubs. St. Louis has played over their heads, thus far, and unless they pony up and make a deal before the deadline, I don’t see them remaining competitive beyond mid-August. The Reds are a lopsided team, much in the image of the Rangers, which can hammer the ball, but can’t win because they can’t pitch. The Pirates will likely trade some of their key pieces and begin the annual process of cashing out their chips in order to pay for next season. The Astros have a better offense than the Bucs, and their pitching is not as bad as it’s performed. I expect them to overtake Pittsburgh in the standings; perhaps, even the Reds. On the final day of the baseball season, I expect the sports page to read: Chicago, Milwaukee, Cincinnati, Houston, Pittsburgh.

The National League East is home to 4 of the most competitive teams in baseball, as well as our capitol’s most talented Brownie troop. Economic powerhouses, New York (57-48) and Philadelphia (56-49), are currently atop the pile with only a game separating the two teams. The Florida Marlins are a mere 2 games off the lead despite having the lowest payroll in the majors, by a wide margin ($21.8 mil; next closest is Tampa Bay at $43.8). The best run organization in professional sports, the Atlanta Braves, stand at 7.5 games back. My Washington Nationals, that lovable Triple-A team, owns the league’s worst record and are a lock to take home basement honors in the East.

The Mets did not play up to their billing as a World Series caliber team for much of the first half, however, they have begun to gain momentum leading into the break. Their lineup is as potent and athletic as any in baseball. Leadoff hitter and human indy car, Jose Reyes (77, 12, 49, .302, 34 SBs), continues to exhibit a rare combination of both power and speed. Fellow Hampton Roads product, David Wright (72, 20, 82, .294), embodies an enviable mixture of power hitting and gold glove defense. First baseman, Carlos Delgado (58, 22, 67, .262), played like a man on the wrong side of the hill for the first 3 months of the season; however, his current .379 July average has been a big reason for the Mets’ recent upswing. Carlos Beltran (72, 15, 71, .266, 16 SBs) has posted solid numbers, but, per usual, September will likely turn his carriage back into a pumpkin and him into a stiff, along with it. On another note, Moises Alou, who has been injured for most of the season, publicly admitted that he couldn’t have caught the foul ball that made Steve Bartman so infamous. I’m sure if Bartman ever finds his way out of the federal witness protection program he’ll be sure to thank Mr. Alou for being so prompt with that admission.

The Mets’ starting rotation has been one of their strong points, this season. All-universe hurler, Johan Santana (2.93 ERA, 1.19 WHIP, 125/39:K/BB, 9-7), has pitched every bit like the top shelf starter that New York is overpaying him to be. Mike Pelfrey (3.67 ERA, 1.42 WHIP, 73/44:K/BB, 9-3) has lived up to his promising status, and North Stafford High alum, John Maine (4.20 ERA, 1.34 WHIP, 103/56:K/BB, 9-7), has continued to be a steady arm in the middle of the rotation. Former Red Sox great, Pedro Martinez (6.25 ERA, 1.63 WHIP, 34/18:K/BB, 3-2), continues to make the Mets look silly for giving him a 4 year contract when every other team in the league wouldn’t go above 3. The bullpen has been a mixed bag, with the exception of laser beam specialist, Billy Wagner (2.00 ERA, 0.84 WHIP, 48/9:K/BB, 26 saves). Even at the age of 37, I have no doubt he can hit triple digits on the gun anytime he wants to.

The Phillies entered the 08’ campaign fresh off demoralizing the rival Mets by winning 13 of their final 17 games to bump New York from last season’s NL playoffs. Philly, if you recall, was able to harness that momentum in getting stomped out by upstart Colorado in straight sets. Despite their disappointing finish, the 08’ Phillies remain a popular pick to contend for the division and league titles, again.

Reigning M.V.P., Jimmy Rollins (46, 7, 36, .271, 26 SBs), is as complete a player as there is despite his decreased power numbers (30 hrs in 07’). Early on it appeared Chase Utley (71, 25, 17, .288) was in the midst of a special season and a virtual lock to break the MLB mark for homeruns in a season by a 2-bagger (Roger Hornsby and Davey Johnson tied at 42). By the first week in June, the guy had 2 stretches where he put one out in 6 of 7 games (and 5 in a row). When he finally cooled off, fellow cannoneer, Ryan Howard (67, 30, 94, .237, and an amazing 138 Ks), began to send baseballs into the upper atmosphere at a rate that currently has him competing with Adam Dunn for the NL homerun crown. Pat ‘The Bat’ Burrell (56, 26, 61, .277) has displayed some consistency this season, after years of being banned from my fantasy rosters for being a streaky bas**ard. Shane Victorino (66, 8, 35, .283, 25 SBs), ‘The Flyin Hawaiian’, continues to hold the title of 2nd best nickname in baseball, which ranks only slightly behind Todd ‘Highway To’ Helton.

When the guys that designed your home field decide to build the fences down the lines only 330 feet from home plate, your ERA might be a bit higher than you’d like it to be. Despite that debilitating fact, some of Philadelphia’s pitchers have thrown well. Cole Hamels (3.27, 1.04 WHIP, 135/39: K/BB, 9-6) has become a bonafide ace despite being only 24 years of age. Father Time, himself, Jamie Moyer (3.76 ERA, 1.32 WHIP, 79/37: K/BB, 9-6), is pitching at a much higher level than is traditionally expected of a 45-year old man in the midst of his 22nd major league season. Reliever, Chad Durbin (1.72 ERA, 1.16 WHIP, 49/20: K/BB), was deported to Oakland for his excellence in the trade that brought Joe Blanton (7.88 ERA in 2 starts) to town. Former Minnesota Twin, J.C. Romero (2.32 ERA, 1.34 WHIP, 36/28: K/BB), continues to shut down lefties and give out enough free passes to make the first baseline look like a New York crosswalk. At the back end of the bullpen, closer Brad Lidge (2.25 ERA, 1.18, 58/22: K/BB, 24 saves), seems to have finally healed from the mental scarring Albert Pujols put on him a few years back (one of the worst theories in sports, by the way), as he’s converted every save opportunity that Philly has asked him to.

The Florida Marlins began this year the same way they begin every year; as the favorites to finish in 4th place behind the Mets, Phils, and Braves. Things haven’t quite turned out that way, as The Fish continue to slug their way into contention (most HRs in majors with 150). Central to that effort has been Shortstop (that’s a capital S to match the one he wears on his chest), Hanley Ramirez (84, 24, 47, .300, 25 SBs). 3-bagger, Jorge Cantu (62, 18, 60, .289), moved from Stiffville to Florida during the off-season, and has played well enough to keep Dallas MacPherson (who has 37 HRs including a 7-game streak at Triple-A) in the minors. All-star 2nd baseman, Dan Uggla (65, 25, 63, .266), continues to press Chase Utley for offensive supremacy at the position. Admittedly, I thought his numbers were going down the tubes without Miguel Cabrera to protect him in the lineup; instead, his success serves as yet more evidence why no one should really entertain the idea of listening to me. Josh Willingham (34, 8, 27, .270) was hitting a robust .341 before being sidelined with an ailing back in early May. As you can see, he’s now hitting .270, but with a nickname like ‘The Hammer’, I fail to see why he needs to hit the ball, anyway.

The pitching in South Florida has not faired quite as well as the hitting. California native, Ricky Nolasco (3.94 ERA, 1.23 WHIP, 104/34: K/BB, 10-6), reportedly developed a cut-fastball during the off-season that has been paying big dividends, thus far. Scott Olsen (4.04 ERA, 1.32 WHIP, 72/50: K/BB, 6-5) and Mark Hendrickson (6.09 ERA, 1.52 ERA, 67/42: K/BB, 7-8) have both experienced flashes of brilliance mixed in with their usual repertoire of chucking and ducking. The bullpen has been a mixed bag, as well. Pick a reliever out of a hat (Renyel Pinto (54/35: K/BB), Logan Kensing (37/29), and Matt Lindstrom (30/17)), and it remains a virtual coin flip as to whether they will ring you up or walk you. Closer, Kevin Gregg (2.34 ERA, 1.22 WHIP, 40/28: K/BB, 22 saves), has converted 22 of 28 save chances despite his high walk rate and proneness to fly balls.

I’m convinced that Braves’ helmsman, Bobby Cox (141 career ejections), could take a roster of mannequins into a season and still be a threat to win the division. In hindsight, mannequins might have been the way to go as I’d imagine they are less vulnerable to injury than the Atlanta players have been this year. Atlanta legend and sole member of the 200/100 club (wins/saves), John Smoltz (2.57 ERA, 1.18 WHIP, 36/8: K/BB, 3-2), had his season cut short by shoulder woes. Leftfielder, Matt Diaz, is still rehabbing from a torn knee ligament he suffered in May. Closer, Rafael Soriano, has pitched a mere 12 innings this year due to nagging elbow issues. Veteran hurler, Tom Glavine, had never been placed on the DL during his 21 year career, until this season. Injuries to his hamstring and elbow have limited him to only 12 starts, thus far. Things have gone from bad to worse, lately, as ace Tim Hudson’s (3.17 ERA, 1.16 WHIP, 85/40: K/BB, 11-7) recent elbow injury will likely require him to undergo Tommy John surgery.

The Bravos’ offense has been led by perennial all-star and resident heartthrob, Chipper Jones (58, 18, 55, .369), whose early season batting successes nearly led me to move to Nepal just to escape the rampant media coverage. Receiver, Brian McCann (46, 20, 63, .302), continues to produce in the heart of the order. Streakiness, himself, Mark Teixeira (63, 20, 78, .283), performed well enough to get a bus ticket to Anaheim. Rightfielder, Jeff Francoeur (47, 9, 47, .235), has been some kind of terrible this season, and was even send down to Triple-A for a period of time. Human dynamite, Yunel Escobar (51, 6, 40, .283), has been slowed by some nagging injuries, but remains a force when healthy.

Of Atlanta’s staple exports, rappers and pitching, one has not faired as well as expected (much to my disappointment, it’s not the first one). As I’ve already pointed out, Smoltzy and Hudson are both out with injuries, and there remains a distinct possibility that neither will pitch again. Tom Glavine has also spent significant time on the DL, but I’m not sure if that’s a negative (34/33: K/BB, 1.57 WHIP). Jair Jurrgens (3.06 ERA, 1.28 WHIP, 96/44: K/BB, 10-6), the young man from the Netherlands, has performed admirably in their stead. Converted reliever, Jorge Campillo (2.76 ERA, 1.06 WHIP, 70/21: K/BB, 5-4), has also provided some stability to a disheveled rotation. With Soriano being sidelined with recurring elbow problems, the bullpen has been reshuffled several times. Manny Acosta (4.02 ERA, 1.45 WHIP, 25/24: K/BB) was a crap shoot every time he took the bump, and couldn’t hold onto the closer’s role. Mike Gonzalez (3.00 ERA, 1.00 WHIP, 19/3: K/BB) returned from Tommy John surgery and has claimed the role for the time being. On a positive note, lefty-specialist, Will Ohman (2.80 ERA, 1.11 WHIP, 41/18: K/BB), has been brilliant, thus far.

In the most remote cell in the deepest dungeon of the darkest castle built on the lowest point on earth lies Nationals Stadium. Inside lurks a motley band of brigands, so dear to my heart, yet so difficult to claim in public. Rather than offer statistics and other bits of evidence in support of how bad the Washington Nationals are, I offer a scene from the baseball classic, Bull Durham, which serves to illustrate what I imagine life as a Nat is really like.

[Larry jogs out to the mound to break up a players' conference]
Larry: Excuse me, but what the hell’s going on out here?
Crash Davis: Well, Nuke’s scared because his eyelids are jammed and his old man’s here. We need a live… is it a live rooster?
[Jose nods]
Crash Davis: . We need a live rooster to take the curse off Jose’s glove and nobody seems to know what to get Millie or Jimmy for their wedding present.
[to the players]
Crash Davis: Is that about right?
[the players nod]
Crash Davis: We’re dealing with a lot of shit.
Larry: Okay, well, uh… candlesticks always make a nice gift, and uh, maybe you could find out where she’s registered and maybe a place-setting or maybe a silverware pattern. Okay, let’s get two! Go get ‘em.

As for my predictions, the NL East will go to the Mets. The Phillies can hit with anybody in baseball, but their starting rotation and bullpen are not strong enough for them to keep pace with New York. Florida will fade, too, as their young pitching wears down and starts to amplify the holes that exist in their bullpen. The Braves are already building for next season, and the only story that remain there, Chipper Jones, is currently on the DL and likely won’t be hastened back. The Nationals’ brass are hopefully counting the revenue they’ve pulled in from their new stadium and bickering over how to reinvest it into their languid franchise. If not, there’s a good chance I found a ‘Go Back to Canada’ activist group and start contacting local politicians for support.

Junior Griffey headed to Chicago

Ken Griffey Jr. has accepted a trade that effectively makes him a member of the Chicago White Sox. He joins a crowded outfield situation, with Carlos Quentin and Jermaine Dye already entrenched at the corners and Nick Swisher in center. Further complicating the impending depth chart is incumbent DH, Jim Thome. I’m sure the Sox would have no problem sitting Swisher (.230 avg) or 1b Paul Konerko (.214) based on their swooning production, but Griffey is a career outfielder who has yet to play centerfield this season.

The Reds acquire reliever Nick Masset and minor league 2b Danny Richar. Exactly who those guys are doesn’t mean nearly as much as what the trade itself signifies; which, is that Cincy is running up the white flag and thinking about next season. With the Reds not likely to pick up Griffey’s option for 09’, moving him makes sense.

Junior gives the White Sox a solid left-handed bat, as well as a serviceable 4th outfielder and DH. He’ll likely be used more as a stopgap for struggling starters than as an everyday player. His power numbers shouldn’t be affected by the change of venue, as both Great American Ballpark and U.S. Cellular Field rank in the top-10 hitter’s parks in the league.

Ramirez to L.A., Bay to Boston, bundle of talent to Pittsburgh

The ‘Manny just being Manny’ show has found another circus tent to call home: Dodger-town, U.S.A. After pow-wowing with fellow conspirators, L.A. and Pittsburgh, the Red Sox have agreed to send Ramirez to L.A., and prospects Brandon Moss and Craig Hansen to Pittsburgh. The Dodgers will send prospects Andy LaRoche and Bryan Morris to Pittsburgh, as well. The Pirates, in turn, will send Jason Bay to Boston.

Now, the repercussions: Boston is moving the anchor of their order, in Ramirez, and acquiring the anchor of the Pirates’ order, in Bay. Their stat lines are similar, and although I don’t think Bay ever becomes the hitter Ramirez was in the past, the only con I see has nothing to do with talent, but lack of pressure experience. If anything, the Red Sox gained a player who won’t be a liability in the field, and whose behavior likely won’t raise as many red flags.

The Dodgers are parting with two high level prospects for the chance to get front row tickets to the existential experience that is Manny Ramirez. I do think his power numbers will take a slight hit, as Dodger Stadium is annually one of baseball’s best pitcher’s parks, but he remains a force to be reckoned with at the dish. His addition, however, does create some complications in L.A. It’s a well known fact that there is no DH in the NL, meaning Manny will have to play in the outfield if they expect him to bat. The first problem is obvious; Manny stinks on defense. Fenway’s peculiar dimensions (Green Monster, wall bordering LF foul line) have masked his limited defensive prowess for years, but he won’t be able to hide it in L.A., where there’s just as much foul ground as there is fair. The 2nd problem is that Manny will technically be the 5th outfielder. The other 4 have had to fight one another for playing time, and the addition of another player leads me to believe the Dodgers have finally decided to sit a certain $60.2 million centerfielder.

The Pirates, again, are made to bear the brunt that only economic inequality could provide. Jason Bay was one of their top offensive players, and because he was scheduled to make $7.5 mil next season and likely walk if not traded, the Pirates were forced to ensure they’d receive some type of compensation for him by trading him. This only serves to refuel the process of developing players that they will likely have to trade down the road for the very same reasons. I’m sure the players they received are solid prospects, but that’s beside the point. Unless a reasonable salary cap is implemented, we will see mid-market teams like the Pirates trade their best players to the economic powerhouses every single season.

This group looks somewhat how they were projected to with Los Angeles in the lead, followed by the recession proof Athletics, and the always pitching-less Rangers, and that $100 million piece of history in Seattle pulling up the caboose.

The Angels have posted a 57-39 record (.600), which has only been good enough to secure a 6 game lead in the division. It is a lead, nevertheless, and has been achieved in the face of early season injuries to Howie Kendrick, Chone Figgins, and John Lackey. The big boppers in the lineup have produced respectable numbers, but I would go as far as to say this team has lacked an offensive superstar, thus far. A more slender, and undoubtedly purer, Garret Anderson has managed to stay healthy; I guess that’s a plus. Judging from his offensive output, Gary Matthews Jr. could rightly be called a ‘mistake’ by the Anaheim brass, if not for the fact that he is an absolute defensive monster. I swear this guy must go into right field with a fishing net and a catapult, because nothing falls in and nobody has the grapes to run on him. They might as well ship Gold Glove awards to this guy in groups of 5 to save everyone the time and effort of voting for him. Torii Hunter has put up numbers in line with those he produced in Minnesota, however, much of his impact can’t be quantified. He is a renowned leader and clubhouse personality, as well as improved protection for Vlad Guerrero in the lineup. Speaking of which, Vlad ‘I’m Bad’ continues to hit balls he shouldn’t to places other men can’t. I’m convinced the only way to pitch around the guy is to have the pitcher turn around on the rubber and chuck it into center field; and even that isn’t a given.

The real studs of Anaheim are the pitchers. 19-game winner, Kelvim Escobar, hasn’t, and won’t, throw a pitch in 2008. That matters not, as Ervin Santana has either returned to his 2006 form or they hired someone else to impersonate him, as he has posted a 3.34 ERA, 122/34 K/BB ratio, and an 11-3 record. Joe Saunders, Jon Garland, Jared Weaver have all posted solid numbers, as well. If we consider John Lackey’s strong return from early season shoulder troubles, L.A.’s staff is only likely to get stronger in the second half. Frankie Rodriguez has already converted 38 saves in 41 chances, thus sparking up talk of challenging Bobby Thigpen’s major league mark of 57 saves set in 1990. He is an elite closer, that much is beyond question, but some of his peripheral numbers suggest he’s not been quite as dominant as one might think (41/26 K/BB ratio; 2.36 ERA; 1.26 WHIP).

With each passing season, the legend of Billy Beane grows. He has become something like the MacGuyver of baseball GMs, because you can give him a match, a piece of string, one lens from a pair of sunglasses, and an old newspaper, and somehow he’ll turn it into a competitive baseball team. On paper, admittedly, this team stinks; but they are currently 7 games over .500 and sit a manageable 6 games back of the Angels for the division lead. The offense in Oakland is cause for offense, and there isn’t much worth noting. Jack Cust has hit 18 dingers on his way to a .229 average and 114 Ks; but, on a positive note, I’m sure the Oakland fans appreciate the breeze. Bobby Crosby’s healthy; rioting has understandably taken place in downtown Oakland. The Big Hurt, perhaps the best player to be included in Ken Griffey Jr. Baseball for SNES, traded in his Blue Jay uniform for the green and gold (well, more like had his Blue Jay uniform taken away).

The pitching has been the engine, as usual, behind the team’s first half success. Dana Eveland, who was acquired from Arizona in the offseason, pitched exceptionally well early on, but has come back to earth, somewhat. The oft-injured, Rich Harden, was shipped to the Cubbies, where he has promptly begun studding it up. Joe Blanton was recently traded to Philadelphia for 3 minor leaguers, and we should expect to see his near-5 ERA rise above 6.00 with the move to that band box. That leaves Justin Duchscherer, who has posted solid numbers (1.82 ERA, 10-5 record), to ace a staff full of stiffs that would likely be just as effective throwing with their offhand.

The Texas Rangers can flat out hit the baseball. Per usual, however, their pitching is something straight out of BYOB night at the local slow pitch softball league. Ian Kinsler is having an MVP caliber season, as he’s posted a line of 84, 14, 58, .337, 23 (R, HR, RBI, AVG, SB). Milton Bradley, who is either the son of a gaming tycoon or criminally uncreative parents, continues to post solid numbers despite nagging leg injuries (55, 19, 57, .316). Rookie sensation, David Murphy, also has provided solid offensive production (52, 13, 60, .276). As far as the pitching goes, I don’t want to mention any names in order to protect the people and families involved, but the lowest ERA of any pitcher who has started at least 1 game for the Rangers is 3.52. The highest is 9.00; you do the math.

The story that touches everyone’s heart, and every journalist’s paper, is Josh Hamilton and his triumphant comeback from substance abuse woes. He currently sports an unreal line of 60, 21, 95, .310, which places him in legitimate contention for the AL Triple Crown. Now, he isn’t going to win it, but he has certainly succeeded in putting the ‘hero’ back in heroin. Alright, alright, that was a cheap shot, but in all seriousness, I am rooting for this guy with every fiber of my being. His, is a story of ability, of waste, of despair, of hope, of epiphany, of perseverance, and finally of overcoming. He is a walking testament to the human will, and all the strength that lay, therein. With that said, I feel I should point out that this guy wasn’t some errant addict that made a wrong turn off the beltway and wound up at Rangers Ballpark in Arlington, only to discover soon after that he could rake. He was the first pick, overall, in the 99’ MLB draft, and stands at an intimidating 6’4, 225 lbs. He has long possessed the physical abilities necessary to play a professional sport, and now personal strife and trepidation have furnished him with the self-discipline to go along with it. End of story. And that, ladies and gentlemen, was my sincerest attempt to save Mr. Hamilton from the agony of having a Lifetime original movie made about him. You’re welcome, Josh.

The Seattle Mariners are a combined 37-58 (21 games under .500), and they are 20 games off the division lead, and counting. Only the abysmal Washington Nationals have a worse record. Both teams stink, but there is one crucial difference between the two. Washington’s payroll is a meager $43.3 million, which is small potatoes compared to the $114.4 million worth of checks the Mariners plan to write to their players this year. They are in hot pursuit of the right to scrawl their names on an as yet untouched page in the history books for being the first team with a $100 million payroll to lose 100 games. It should come as no surprise that manager, John McLaren, and GM, Bill Bavasi, have both been canned for the team’s expensively poor showing. I feel for McLaren, because a manager is only able to cook with the ingredients that the brass put in the fridge for him. Bavasi, on the other hand, upon taking the helm of the Seattle ship at the end of the 03’ season, promptly began poking holes in the hull. His tenure began with 2 big splashes, one named Richie Sexson, and the other, Adrian Beltre. Sexson had 2 pretty solid years before forgetting how to hit a baseball, entirely; which, resulted in his release just last week. Beltre can flash the leather, but they didn’t sign him to a 5 year, $64 million contract because they had visions of the next Brooks Robinson wearing Mariner teal. His offensive numbers haven’t been horrid, but they haven’t come close to matching the 104, 48, 121, .334 (R, HR, RBI, AVG) line he put up in 04’. The subsequent signings of Jarrod Washburn ($37 mil.), Jeff Weaver ($8.35 mil.), Brad Wilkerson ($3 mil. and cut a month later), and my personal favorite, Carlos Silva ($48 mil; current record of 4-11), have combined to prove that you don’t have to be able to play baseball to get someone to pay you lots of money to do it.

Continuing along, the Erik Bedard trade has not panned out, one bit. In between battling shoulder problems, he has posted a 3.67 ERA, 1.32 WHIP, 72/37 K/BB ratio, on his way to a 6-4 mark. Not exactly the ace-like statistics the Mariners thought they were trading for; however, he is tied for team lead for wins……… Ichiro is a baseball God, and Seattle would probably win more games and draw more fans if they converted the stadium into a cathedral dedicated to him, and held Ichiro bobble-head night, every night. Raul Ibanez continues to be the best #3 hitter who should be a #7 hitter in the league. ‘King’ Felix has undoubtedly been the most hyped pitcher of the decade (and probably any other one), but his brilliance has come in flashes as we have yet to see any sustained dominance from him. J.J. Putz, voted most likely to legally change his name to ‘Stud’, has struggled with elbow problems for nearly the entire first half. The Mariners sorely need him to get healthy, so he can stop watching them lose from the 3rd base dugout, and start watching them lose out in the bullpen. Putz’ arm troubles have given rise to a lone bright spot in the Seattle skyline: Brandon Morrow. When Putz went down, Morrow took over, and up until a week ago he was the owner of a 0.69 ERA. Upon which time, he promptly gave up 3 hits, all homeruns, and 4 runs over his next inning and a third, but that’s beside the point. He still has a 0.88 WHIP and a 42/11 K/BB ratio. The two of them in the pen could turn games into 7 inning contests; however, they are still left with the problem of getting through those first 7 innings with a lead.

For my predictions, I will give the division to the Anaheim Angels, outright. They are the only team with the pitching to win. Oakland, despite their record, have been sellers at the break, and depleted their roster for any type of late season push. Texas will continue to hit well, but their pitching is bad enough that they’d need several Triple Crown candidates in their lineup to make up the difference. Seattle has dug itself a very deep hole, and even if their pitching were to become fully healthy, they still don’t possess the offense necessary to make a sustained run. In the end, I see it looking something like LA, followed by Texas, Seattle, and Oakland.

Well, this division has turned out very differently than the ‘experts’ envisioned it. The Chicago White Sox are atop the fray with a 54-40 mark due to an offensive explosion that took place in May, and hasn’t really stopped. Carlos Quentin, who was acquired from Arizona during the offseason, has been bludgeoning the baseball to the tune of 22 hrs, 70 rbis, and a .277 average. Even Jermaine Dye is the owner of a batting average above .300, and as a fantasy baseball owner who learned the hard way that consistency is not his hallmark, I curse his name often. The twin towers, Thome and Konerko, have only been halfway effective because Konerko can’t stay healthy, and can’t hit for beans when he is. Alexei Ramirez, the ‘Cuban Missle’, has an awesome nickname and can play, to boot. The pitching has been hot and cold for the Sox, and the best of it has come from their 4th and 5th starters, John Danks and Gavin Floyd; which, obviously isn’t a good sign for them. The bullpen has been pretty solid, with Octavio Dotel returning to respectable form and Scott Linebrink posting solid numbers; meanwhile, Jenksy has been near dominant in converting 18 of 21 save chances.

The engine that makes the Southside Circus go, however, is skipper and all around bad ass, Ozzie Guillen. As far as I’m concerned, this guy could probably still strap it on, and his ‘slip up and get one in the ear hole’ approach to the game is something I think is sorely missing from baseball, these days. The man plays by no rules, in fact, I’m not really sure if he realizes there are rules to begin with. I mean, what other manager can throw the entire organization under the bus, including the GM, and somehow turn it into a resounding positive? I’d be willing to bet if the White Sox win the World Series we’ll begin to hearing rumblings of a bill floating around Congress by various Illinois politicians seeking to evict Lincoln from the $5, and replace him with Senor Guillen.

If resiliency had a name, it would be Billy Beane; but, if resiliency had a residency, it would likely be in Minneapolis. The preceding offseason saw two of the Twin Cities’ favorite sons, Johan Santana and Torii Hunter, purchase one way tickets out of town. Despite that fact, the Twins find themselves 11 games over .500 and a mere 1.5 games out of first place. How did the mid-market Twins manage to avoid running up the white flag 5 innings into the first game of the year, you ask? Well, residential studs Justin Morneau and Joe Mauer did not leave town, and terrorize opposing pitching, accordingly. Alexi Casilla and Jason Kubel have performed well and bolstered what was originally thought to be a deflated lineup. Delmon Young apparently threw away his power stroke along with the bat he flung at that umpire (only 3 hrs, but 10 sbs), but I truly don’t expect that trend to become a habit. Carlos Gomez, the prize acquisition from the Santana trade with the Mets, played exceedingly well during the first 2 months of the season, but, as young players are inclined to do, has struggled as of late. I’m personally rooting for him to reach the coveted 40/200 mark (40 SBs, 200 Ks), but I’m skeptical about his chances to swipe 40. The pitching has been mediocre, at best. When Livan Hernandez, the renowned innings-eater, headlines your staff, you better be able to hit. The bullpen has been a mixed bag with a vagrant bum impersonating the former strikeout machine, Pat Neshek, and Joe Nathan’s studliness resulting in the rest of the division agreeing to forgo 9th innings against the Twins, altogether. The Twins’ faithful have cause for hope, however, as electricity himself, Francisco Liriano, has been making substantial strides in his comeback from Tommy John surgery, and will likely be called up to the big league club early in the second half.

The Detroit Tigers, who were unanimously penciled in to win 100 games and already had ‘AL Central Division Champs’ t-shirts in storage, stand at an even .500 and 7 games back of the first place White Sox. This team was reputed to have assembled a lineup potent enough to rival the Murderers Row of lore, but the fireworks have only come in spurts, thus far. Big offseason acquisition, Miguel Cabrera, has not played poorly, but hasn’t met the probably unreasonable expectations placed on him since being traded over from the Marlins. I fully expect him to wind up with a 100, 35, 100, .300 line (R, HR, RBI, AVG.), but I’m sure the crime rate in Detroit will rise when the fans come to the realization that he won’t be competing for the Triple Crown this season. Injuries have also been a factor, as Gary Sheffield, Magglio Ordonez, and Jeremy Bonderman have spent substantial time on the DL. The real culprit, however, has been the sub-par pitching turned in by the starters and bullpen, alike. Justin Verlander, the slender fireballer hailing from my own alma mater, Old Dominion University, has not been quite the same pitcher this season. Dontrelle Willis has been so bad that the only way management could protect him from the hail of beer cans being launched at him in between innings was to send him down to the minors. Kenny Rogers, The Gambler, sports an atrocious 44/45 K/BB ratio, and the Tigers would probably be better off running the original Gambler (who will turn 70 on August 21st) out there rather than camera smooshing Kenny. Fireballer, Zoel Zumaya has finally returned, and management has added a ‘protection policy’ to his contract that requires the pitcher to completely cover himself in bubble wrap before he leaves the clubhouse each night to prevent him from getting hurt off the field, again. Fellow flamethrower, Fernando Rodney, also returned from injury, and has been rumored to be on the trading block. That should tell you how well he’s done this year. Todd Jones owns an ERA close to 5.00 and a 13/14 K/BB ratio, yet has somehow managed to convert 18 of 20 save chances. I suppose it doesn’t matter how hard or far they hit it, as long as it’s at someone, right?

The Kansas City Royals, that major league level farm club for the rest of the league, has played admirably considering the usual lack of substance to work with. Jose Guillen has performed well despite having to play through a few nagging injuries. David DeJesus is a burgeoning star, which means he’ll be packing his bags and relocating as soon as his agent is able to arrange it. Joey Gathright, who has compiled a mere 15 BBs over a span of 235 ABs, continues to wear out the grass between the dish and the dugout as he challenges Alfonso Soriano for the coveted ‘Wasted Speed’ trophy. The Royals pitching staff is better than their numbers indicate. Zack Greinke has long been considered a promising arm, and currently sports a 104/36 K/BB ratio. Gil Meche and Brian Bannister are cerebral hurlers in the grand tradition of The Professor, Greg Maddux, but, in truth are 3rd or 4th starters putting on their best 2-starter imitation. On a positive note, closer Joakim Soria has been ruthless on the bump, as he’s converted 25 of 27 chances and features a 46/9 K/BB ratio. See DeJesus, David for how that’s likely to turn out.

The rains in Cleveland come a little more often and stay a little longer, these days. The Indians’ record stands at 41-53 and a distant 13 games off the division lead. The white flag has already been run up the pole, as staff ace and reigning Cy Young Award winner, C.C. Sabathia, has since been shipped off to Milwaukee for a package of youths. As I type this I can’t help but recall a scene from Major League II, where the Asian groundskeepers exclaimed, “We suck again!.” Yes, you certainly do. Injuries have been the rule, not the exception, for the Indians this season. Stud receiver and 3-hole slugger, Vic “The Stick” Martinez, could hit nary a home run before being placed on the DL in mid-June with a right elbow injury. Number 2 gunner, Fausto Carmona, has been out since late May with a hip strain. Travis Hafner has been out of action since late May with a shoulder strain, but when healthy, he experienced a continuation of the slump that eclipsed much of his 2007 campaign. Let us not overlook the awful play that is fast becoming a Cleveland mainstay, and the players that call themselves pitchers are most at fault, here. Paul Byrd is horrendous, and shouldn’t be allowed to throw peanuts to children in the stands, let alone pitch a baseball from the mound. The Indian bullpen has to have a combined ERA somewhere around 7.00, but, then again, anybody who consciously chooses Joe Borowski to pitch the ninth either has little sense to being with, or no other options.

The fall from grace hasn’t been without its bright spots, however, Cliff Lee has been one of the best pitchers in the game, posting 2.31 ERA, 1.03 WHIP, 106/20 K/BB ratio, on his way to a 12-2 record and starting honors for the American League All-Star team. Grady Sizemore, likewise, has continued to turn his talent into big time stats, as he is on pace to become only the 5th player in history to put up a 40/40 season. Jhonny Peralta, Casey Blake, and Ben Francisco have all played well enough to be disappointed at the dismal fortunes of their once successful franchise.

As for my predictions, I think the Twins will fade as the dog days of August wear on and their pitching deficiencies become amplified. The Tigers have played very well the last 5 weeks, and I expect them to make a serious run at the White Sox, but I don’t see them overcoming their pitching woes. Chicago has a deep bench, solid bullpen, and an experienced starting rotation, which will ultimately result in them laying claim to the title ‘division champs’. For the record, I expect the Royals to finish in the basement, and the Indians ton give the Twins a run for 3rd place in the standings. Now call up your bookie and bet the house on the exact opposite that you’ve just read.

It is that time of year, again, when the Yankees, Red Sox, Angels, Mets, Dodgers, Cubs, and exactly 1 player from the other 26 teams combine to fill out the American and National League rosters in order to play the always over-hyped and rarely satisfying, Mid-Summer’s Classic.  While many fans will undoubtedly spend their time enjoying the festivities, I, on the other hand, will take this short reprieve to kick those that are down, be skeptical of those that are not, and extend predictions for the second half of the year that will wind up being even worse than those I made at the start of it.  What follows is my random, oh so random, review and analysis of the first half of the 2008 Major League Baseball season.

The American League East enters the midway point with Boston leading the pack by half a game.  Aside from the obvious (strong pitching and a stacked lineup), the Sox have had some windfalls that probably make Yankee fans vomit.  David Ortiz goes down, J.D. Drew steps up; Matsuzaka goes down, Justin Masterson steps up; Kevin Youkilis is having a career year, and Jacoby Ellsbury and Dustin Pedroia are proving to be just as talented as the Sox’ brass anticipated.   They’ve even gotten mileage out of the once dominant but irreparably worn down, Bartolo Colon.  Once fully healthy, I can only imagine this team getting stronger and running away with the division, and there are few thoughts that produce the urge to leap from a bridge in me more than that one.  Manny Ramirez became the 24th player to reach 500 homeruns; once again proving that it doesn’t take class to hit a baseball.  David Ortiz lived in a world of mediocrity before being sidelined with a wrist injury in late May; yet, managed to make the all-star team.  More proof that the fans should never be given the power to substantially influence the games they watch.

Tampa Bay enters the second half 14 games over .500 and a meager half game behind the champion Red Sox.  They actually led the division for a time, until their current 7 game skid landed them in 2nd place.  They’ve gotten great starting pitching from a staff whose members don’t exceed 26 years of age.  Evan Longoria, who is fulfilling his stud pedigree ahead of schedule, leads a young and highly athletic roster.  With that said, this team will continue their slide down the standings of the American League East.  They fall into the ‘buyers’ category as we approach the deadline, so a trade is possible, but I would bet the house that the inexperience and fatigue will become glaring come mid-August.

The Yankees squeezed out another sub-par first half, and suicide rates have risen in New York, accordingly.  In their defense, they have had some injuries to contend with.  A-Rod and Posada spent time on the DL, and Matsui is still on it.  On a positive note, Mariano Rivera continues to prove that he’s the best closer in the game (and maybe ever), and Robinson Cano equally continues to prove that his 2006 season (.342 avg) was a fluke.  Jason Giambi’s man-stache, however, is probably the greatest thing to happen in New York since the Empire State Building was constructed.  Stache-mania has swept through the House That Ruth Built, and resulted in the resurgence of not only the Giambino’s career, but of the legitimacy of mustachioed men, everywhere.

Toronto stinks.  The only player on their roster that is hitting .300 is a backup outfielder named, Joe Inglett (.301).  Three-fifths of the starting rotation sports an ERA above 4.00.  Aside from Roy Halladay, whom I’m convinced could throw a complete game every time out, the Blue Jays have been a bust.  The unreal return of closer B.J. Ryan (18 saves in 20 chances) is the only sports news not concerning the Maples Leafs or Raptors that should find its way out of Toronto, these days.  My advice: padlock the field, cancel the season, and get a head start on rebuilding for next year.

The Orioles, after launching out of the gate via their talented youth and cortisone propelled stiffs, have returned to their rightful seats located at the bottom of the division (though Toronto will undoubtedly contend for that honor).  Several pleasant surprises contributed to their early surge, a major one being the power hitting of players the likes of Aubrey Huff (18 hrs) and the newly acquired Luke Scott (14 hrs).  George Sherrill, despite a 4.08 ERA, has converted 28 of 34 save opportunities, and proven that the size of your hat really does matter, along the way.  Jeremy Guthrie could be a stud, Nick Markakis is a stud (meaning they’ll both be leaving town soon), and Daniel Cabrera could legitimately walk 200 batters in a given season.  In the preseason, I predicted the Orioles to be the cellar-dwellers of the AL East, and I am overjoyed (as my predictions are usually wrong, and I am not a fan of owner, Peter Angelos) to announce that I was right.

I post this image to make one main, important point to all Americans:

You really do live in a free nation. Seriously.

Only in a free, democratic nation can you:

• Stand in the middle of the nation’s capital and speak out openly against the residing person in power without running the risk of persecution.
• Wear caricature-like, mocking costume (complete with jailstripes) of that same residing powerful person, while openly calling them a criminal.
• Boo and openly show disgust for the powers-that-be, even as they are in the building of a sporting event and thousands are on-hand to witness the historical event.
• Publish an article accusing coverage of a large, public event, endorsed by many bigwigs (aka. those with the most loot) and people of power, of being biased and forgetting the more important factors involved.

You see what I’m getting at?

Of course, these points are just a handful of those surrounding last weekend’s grand opening of Nationals Park. To state the obvious: this is not the end-all, be-all list of why we should appreciate being being American — but they do point out things we can do that other, less fortunate citizens of different countries cannot.

Luckily, we do not have that here (shh… conspiracy theorists, I will deal with you another day) although sometimes our gub’ment makes me have to remind folks that great saying Edward R. Murrow said way back when: “We must not confuse dissent for disloyalty.”

Check out that Dave Zirin article so you have the other side to the grand opening of Nationals Park.

I did enjoy myself at the fresh, brand spankin’ new ballpark in D.C. The trip was easy (a few metro stops and a few blocks of caddle-trotting along the street) and Nationals Park is truly easy to access.

Outside the park stood — quite loudly — the realities of the publicly funded park ($600-plus million) opening in a city full of poverty. Lots of angry citizens fighting for D.C. schools, their own residences, and the cluster-funk that will be every time a big game is in town.

Inside the park, the stadium is a beauty. The Capitol is just over left field in the distance. Lots of scattered, local food joints inside the stadium and available (and overpriced, of course!) to fit your fancy.

People inside the stadium were friendly, smiling and everything the Washington Post’s Thomas Boswell told me it would be.

Again, outside the stadium, though, was a different reality. The opposite of the smiles, giggles and giddiness. Lots of anger, dissent and frustration.

Aren’t you proud to be an American?

(Getty Images Photo / Junko Kimura)

The Oakland Athletics became the first round of victims to the defending MLB champion Boston Red Sox’s attempt at their third title in five years. BoSox slugger Manny Ramirez took little time stepping back into the driver’s seat of his team, delivering the go-ahead double in the 10th inning of a 6-5 win in Tokyo, Japan.

I’d like to overstate the obvious by pointing out that the BoSox are projected to go 162-0 at the moment, and the A’s 0-162, both MLB records.

A’s fans: be afraid, be very, very afraid!

Yankees fans: be terrified, put a wall up around the city, “The BoSox are coming! The BoSox are coming!”
A few suggestions to enhance an 0-162 A’s team:

• Sign Jose Canseco — No one would sit next to him on the bench or on the bus, because “Jose can you sing” is always wired for sound, needing a new quote for his next book. This would convert the team into the 1st openly run sting operation in MLB history. And for entertainment purposes, there’s a 1 in 10 chance another baseball will bounce off Canseco’s head again.
• Sign Rickey Henderson — What’s a Canseco book without a few quotes from the oldest strongman in America who loves to speak in the third person? Rickey would be more than willing to sit next to Canseco in the dugout and on the bus; in fact, Rickey will sit next to anybody, anytime so long as he can talk about himself. Just think, somewhere, at this very moment, Rickey is talking the ear off someone — possibly in a Used Car lot — and loving every minute of it.
• Hire Isaiah Thomas as GM — That should get the media swarming the dugout! He would at least find a way to get rid of those pesky dollars laying around in Oakland. Does Allan Houston play baseball? Marbury? Got a pen, fellas?

Team by Team Analysis and Predictions: AL East

Overview: Tampa Bay Rays

Tampa Bay put up a mark of 66-69, and the franchise continues to be a lesson in futility for baseball enthusiasts, worldwide.

The Rays (Atheism=wins?) spent their offseason jettisoning misogynist Elijah Dukes (Nationals), and Umpire Association devotee Delmon Young (Twins). They also added some promising talent in SS Jason Bartlett and P Matt Garza (Both from Twins), and some decrepit stiffs in Cliff Floyd (FA) and Troy Percival (FA).

The Rays outfield, when healthy, ranks among the most athletic and talented in the league. Carl Crawford and BJ Upton blur when they walk, and have the hitting skills to match. Rocco Baldelli, well, I’m just going to assume he’ll be injured by May, which leaves the once great Cliff Floyd (play Ken Griffey Jr. Baseball for SNES if you don’t believe me) and strikeout machine Jonny Gomes to man right.

The infield will feature stud prospect Evan Longoria at third, defensively minded Jason Bartlett at short, converted 2b Akinori Iwamura, and last year’s surprise, Carlos Pena at first.

Dioner Navarro mans home, and should continue to be adequate at keeping runners honest, but his offensive numbers lead me to predict he won’t be playing the role of base runner very often, himself.

The Tampa Bay pitching staff looks promising at the top, as studs Scott Kazmir and James Shields return. Matt Garza and former Dodger prospect Edwin Jackson lead a pack of contenders for the final 3 rotation spots. In all likelihood, this rotation won’t have a reliable 4^th or 5^th starter, which will prove problematic for their bullpen.

Troy Percival was one of the feel-good stories of the 2007 season, and there are few in this league as experienced in closing out games. That said, he will turn 39 this year, was forced to retire due to arm troubles, and will likely not be available in back to back games this year. Throw in 37 yr old Al Reyes, and the unreliable Dan Wheeler, and you’ve got big trouble in little Chinatown.

Prediction:

Tampa Bay is explosive on offense and has a good 1-2 punch in their pitching rotation. There still remains many questions to be answered, and the overall stigma of (Devil) Rays baseball, but I see a team on the cusp of success, and I will predict them to finish 3^rd in the AL East. Much can go wrong, particularly in such a competitive division, but they are already better than the Orioles, and I think if a few things go the Rays’ way, they’ll perform better than the Blue Jays.

Overview: Baltimore Orioles

Baltimore finished the 2007 season with a mark of 69-93, good enough to tie Kansas City for the third worst record in the league.

The Orioles approached the offseason with an ‘addition by subtraction’ mentality. Gone are budding star Erik Bedard, all steroid shortstop and monumental disappointment Miguel Tejada, speed demon and sub-.300 OBP outfielder Corey Patterson. Additionally, the rumors point to second baseman Brian Roberts exiting stage left, as well.

Baltimore’s most promising offseason acquisition comes in the form of uber-prospect Adam Jones, who will likely man center. He is joined in the outfield by the underpaid Nick Markakis and a smorgasbord of bums in left that include the recently acquired Luke Scott, the aging Tike Redman, the even further decayed Jay Payton, and the roidless Jay Gibbons.

The infield will feature the steadily declining Melvin Mora at third, young defensive savant Luis Hernandez at short, stud second baseman Brian Roberts (at least for the time being), and a revolving door of defensively and offensively inadequate first basemen/designated hitters (K. Millar, A. Huff).

Ramon Hernandez remains behind the dish, which means old women, paraplegics, and tumbleweed caught in a light breeze should have a high success rate at stealing bases.

The Baltimore pitching staff is young, talented, and promising, which, in all likelihood, probably means a team ERA over 5.00. Ace and free pass specialist, Daniel Cabrera returns, along with the still developing Jeremy Guthrie, Adam Loewen, and Hayden Penn.

With the season ending injuries to closer Chris Ray and deputy closer Danys Baez, the bullpen enters 2008 plagued by question marks. Newly acquired lefty George Sherrill is the popular choice for the closing role, however, Jamie Walker and Greg Acquino, both have experience at failing miserably in the role.

Prediction:

Baltimore’s 2 best players left town this winter, and that only means so much to a team that narrowly missed finishing in the cellar last season. The Orioles will definitely finish there this season, and just may prove to be the worst team in the league.

Overview: Toronto Blue Jays

Toronto finished last season with an 83-79 mark, which was good enough for 3^rd in the AL East, but proved to be disappointing for a team that many predicted to compete for a playoff spot.

The Blue Jays did not help themselves very much this winter, as they traded the often injured Troy Glaus to St. Louis for the often injured Scott Rolen. Rolen is a stud with the glove, but provides no more security at the position. They also signed the undersized David Eckstein to play SS, who has made a career out of proving the critics wrong, and will need to go a long way to vindicate this signing when the rest of the league sees him as a second baseman.

The Blue Jays’ outfield is stocked with talent and features burgeoning star Alex Rios, the recently underperforming Vernon Wells, Reed Johnson, and professional hitter Matt Stairs.

The infield features gold glover Scott Rolen and his replacement upon injury Marco Scutaro at third, Eckstein at short, promising Aaron Hill at second, and the always streaky Lyle Overbay at first.

Gregg Zaun and Rod Barajas will split time behind the dish. Zaun will turn 37 in April and the crime rate skyrockets on the base paths when he’s the receiver. Barajas is younger (32) and is much more efficient at throwing at would-be base stealers, but he’s never been an everyday player, so expect this time share to remain all year.

Roy Halladay, despite the decreased K-rate, is among the best in the business, and A.J. Burnett is absolutely electric when he’s healthy. Dustin McGowan, Shaun Marcum, and Gustavo Chacin round out the rotation and should all be considered breathing stiffs.

The health of mega closer BJ Ryan (Tommy John surgery) has stirred much debate, and it remains to be seen whether he is healthy enough to return to that role. In the meantime, Jeremy Accardo pitched fantastically in that capacity last season, finishing with 30 saves and a 1.11 WHIP.

Prediction:

The Blue Jays have a few solid elements on the both sides of the ball, but I don’t see them as any more than a mediocre team, and that won’t get them far in the AL East. Look for Toronto to have an up and down season, but ultimately being outpaced by Tampa Bay and finishing in 4^th place.

Overview: New York Yankees

The Yanks posted a 94-68 mark and made it into the playoffs, yet again, only to lose to Cleveland in the AL Division series, yet again.

The offseason proved to be more hype than substance, as New York was involved in a potential trade for P Johan Santana. The Yankees were able to bolster their bullpen with the addition of LaTroy Hawkins, and also added 3b Morgan Ensberg, who doesn’t have a position with Alex Rodriguez at 3^rd and a log jam of veterans vying for DH time.

Important departures include the much embattled Roger Clemens and defensive specialist Doug Mientkiewicz.

The Yankee outfield is deep and talented with reformed caveman Johnny Damon, developing star Melky Cabrera, and the recently inconsistent Bobby Abreu penciled in to start. Hideki Matsui and Shelley Duncan will also figure into the mix.

The infield is as good as they come, with A-Rod at the 3-bagger, uber-athlete Derek Jeter at short, Robinson Cano at the 2-bagger, and the much maligned Jason Giambi at first.

Jorge Posada and Jose Molina will split time behind the dish. Posada will turn 37 this season, and while still a potent offensive force his defensive numbers are steadily decreasing. Molina, however, is a strong defensive backstop, but can’t hit a lick.

The Yankee rotation features ace sinker baller Chien-Ming Wang, ageless wonders Andy Pettitte and Mike Mussina, and young guns Ian Kennedy and Phil Hughes. At some point in the season, Joba Chamberlain is expected to join the rotation, as well. Wang should post excellent numbers, but Pettitte and Mussina, health pending, are no sure thing. Kennedy and Hughes are as promising as they come, and they are being counted upon to perform.

The bullpen is led by the always reliable Mariano Rivera, whom I’m convinced will be the Yankees closer in 2020. Chamberlain will begin the season in a set up role, thus limiting the damage the catcher’s hand will take to the 8^th inning, only. Then we have Kyle Farnsworth and LaTroy Hawkins. Both failed closers and gopher ball specialists, whom will provide much needed depth to a strong pen.

Prediction:

The Yankees are the epitome of the ‘haves’ in the baseball world, and I expect (as George did) them to perform accordingly. Their offense is top notch and their pitching staff has the potential to be elite, as well. I think another playoff appearance is eminent, but I think it will be as a wild card, again. The Yankees may even challenge the 100 win mark, but I don’t think they will overtake the Red Sox at the top of the AL East.

Overview: Boston Red Sox

The Red Sox, as you know, posted a 96-66 mark on their way to defeating the Colorado Rockies in the World Series.

The offseason was relatively quiet for the Red Sox, as they too were involved in the endless trade negotiations for P Johan Santana. Declining relievers Brendan Donnelly and Eric Gagne have left town and the awkward swinging Sean Casey has signed up.

The Boston outfield is loaded and features Manny “Trade Me” Ramirez in left, Coco “My mother hated me” Crisp and developing stud Jacoby Ellsbury in center, and monumental bust JD Drew in right.

The infield features the resurging Mike Lowell at third, the speedy Julio Lugo at short, 2007 ROTY Dustin Pedroia, and Kevin “YooooK” Youkilis at first. David “Big Papi” Ortiz will, of course, occupy the DH role.

Team captain, Jason Varitek, will man the dish. Look for him to remain adequate on both sides of the ball.

Josh Beckett narrowly missed winning the ALCY last year, and returns to a rotation that includes Daisuke Matsuzaka, the injured Curt Schilling, knuckleballer Tim Wakefield, cancer survivor Jon Lester, and developing stud Clay Buchholz. The health of Beckett and Curt Schilling will play hugely into the Red Sox season.

The Red Sox bullpen features automatic closer, Jonathan Papelbon, as well as Julian Tavarez, Mike Timlin, and Japanese wonder Hideki Okajima. Tavarez and Timlin are not spring chickens, so health is a concern, and Okajima ran into some trouble down the stretch in 2007, but if they can manage to get to Papelbon, this should prove to be a strong bullpen.

Prediction:

The Red Sox are as dangerous as they come, and feature a good mix of proven veterans and promising talent. Health is the only thief that can steal a successful 2008 season from this team. Beckett has been nicked up in spring training and Schilling’s shoulder will be an issue all year (if he pitches at all). The offense is strong enough to drive this team, but they will need their pitching to stay healthy if they hope to surmount the NY Yankees. I expect the Red Sox to win 100 games, win the AL East, and be the favorites to represent the AL in the World Series, again.